Depth over distance

Ben Howard, my favorite musician, writes, “Depth over distance every time, my dear. And this tree of ours may grow tall in the woods. But it’s the roots that will bind us here to the ground.” I think I listened to this song at least 4 times today, and it kept running through my heart. Especially with the beautiful wedding that I just attended. After trying to understand love in a matter of physical distance and then in emotional distance, I can see that it isn’t easy. But the most important part is the foundation or roots that are set in the beginning of that relationship.

I think I know now why the ex and I didn’t work. As I watched the vows exchange between man and woman, I understood these two and the dedication they have forged with each other. It hasn’t been an easy road, and it certainly hasn’t been a short one, but they have taken the time to build the foundation that will grow them forever together. He and I didn’t. We struggled to plant the sapling that was the tree of our relationship, and instead of cultivating that tiny tree, we watched it wither and die. And it couldn’t salvaged.

I would often listen to this song while feeling so much hurt, and try to figure out why I couldn’t just be with a distant person. I couldn’t understand why I was so adamant about being physically close to this man. But, it makes sense now. Because we had no foundation. I desired to be close so I could try and water and water the relationship that was so newly planted.

It didn’t happen. We didn’t happen. And this song just resonates within me now. I remember having a conversation with him about the rocky start we were given, and how I would do anything in my power to make it work. I wanted him. I loved him. I was ready to take my heart strings and weave the gap as closed as I could. But to him the crack in that foundation was too big to mend.

And as I watched these two people give of their everything I realized that is what I want. I want that tree to grow skyward and downward, and the only way to do that is to cultivate it. Weddings like this solidify my growing desire to be with someone body and soul, so that when we are apart in distance nothing matters. And nothing will matter because the roots will hold for whatever storms may come. Come what may...depth over distance.

Una dia!!