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What Dreams May Come

Albert: Are you loosing your fear?
Albert: That you disappeared? You didn't, you only died.

       This is a line taken from one of my favorite Robin Williams movies: "What Dreams May Come." It is a story about a man who, after he lost his two children in a car accident, dies himself entering into "heaven." But he realizes it isn't everything he thought it would be because his wife is not there. She committed suicide and went to hell. And his desire? To forsake eternity in heaven to try and reach her soul in the depths of hell.I love this movie, and after I heard he died and the first thoughts of sadness, and the idea that money and fame don't make one happy went through my mind, I thought of this movie. 
       I was given a podcast by a friend where Marc Maron, a comedian, interviews Williams in 2010. This interview touches on everything from starting out as a stand-up comedian to his parent's different tactics in raising him to his addiction with cocaine and then to the thing that came up the most: fear.
      It was strange to listen to this man talk about his fear of rejection and people making fun of him and not being accepted. How odd. Williams mentions his career of making fun of people, and in turn his dislike and sometimes inability to accept when it is done to him. He uses the word fear several times in this interview. In fact, it was the running theme. Throughout this interview, I got a feeling as though Robin Williams had struggled since childhood to fit in thus creating within him a deep-rooted fear of others.
       When I heard the news of his death, I went to this movie in my mind. I saw the darkness that this movie portrayed and the afterlife that it depicted. I saw the beauty juxtaposed with the blackness, and it seemed to be a good representation of Robin Williams the man. Here was an extremely talented and funny man who brought joy to the lives of millions and couldn't seem to find that joy within himself. And that really saddens me. 
       I love this quote, especially after listening to this podcast. Albert, played by Cuba Gooding Jr. is a reincarnate of Williams' character's son. Chris is played by Williams. How apropos that in this film Williams (through the character of Chris) should be asked if he has lost his fear. That's what so odd about it, granted it is all so coincidental considering as he made this film, the chances of him thinking of suicide were probably slim. However, even in this podcast, Maron asks Williams if he has ever considered suicide, and Williams, as I am sure he has done his entire life, laughed it off and made a joke stating he hasn't, but if he had it would be a odd one. As Maron laughed, I cried. It wasn't funny. Not now. Not when this laughing man was the one who was found with a belt around his neck. No, it wasn't funny.
       But as dark and sinister as this death has been to many around the world, this quote gives a glimmer of hope to the legacy of Williams. If he carried fear of disappearing, he no longer has to fear, and he never really had to. He will live on...forever. He is just dead. Dead but not forgotten. The chances of this man being completely erased from the memory of humanity is impossible for he lives within us all through--Mork, Peter Banning, Teddy Roosevelt, Mrs. Doubtfire, Alan Hakman, Rainbow Randolph, Dr. Know, Andrew Martin, Genie, Patch Adams, Chris Nielsen, Alan Parrish, Dr. Malcom Sayer, John Keating, and many more roles that perhaps were a little glimpse of who he was on the inside. 
       Rest in Peace, Robin...

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