Skip to main content

Delight and desires

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalms 37:4

   I guess I thought it has always been easier to just take life with minimal desires, leaving me with a constant state of "eh." For example, marriage... yes or no? "Eh" kids... yes or no? "Eh" set goals or plans in life... yes or no? "Eh"
    This scripture came to me after sitting in adoration this afternoon. I was sorta pleading to God to give me what I want, as sadly most everyone does. But, He said he couldn't. He said he couldn't because I didn't know what I wanted. Damn. I guess God has a point doesn't he?
     So, I remembered the scripture from memorization long time back. I read it...it makes me feel so inadequate. Delight. Delight means to be happy, right? No. Not exactly. Delight is to have great satisfaction. Delight is to be VERY happy. And David says the Lord should be our delight. Yeah...I am pretty sure I have failed on that front. No wonder I live an "eh" life.
     For so long I have lived passively. There is no foundation in passivity. There is only greyness. Sure, one can be happy. I am happy. But delightful? Yeah, probably not. I think I am getting to the point where I am ready to have definitive answers concerning myself and my life. I have wants. I even have things I really like...but desires? That's almost too strong of a word to be connected to. That word requires a response out of me. It also requires responsibility.
    I have a feeling I need to figure out the desires of my heart, but maybe I will rewrite scripture so that it says, "Delight yourselves in the Lord, and he will show you the desires of your heart before he grants them to you."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beneath the Weeping Willow

  "The willow submits to the wind and prospers until one day it is many willows—a wall against the wind. This is the willow's purpose." —  Frank Herbert, Dune   Time, although a very evasive concept, is in each moment a gift. And most often, I don't stop to look back at the road I have traveled on. Even more so, the road Justin and I have travelled together. But today it is warranted. Today marks 9 years as husband and wife, and 9 years of truly some amazing and adverse moments. We have lost the most cherished and birthed the most loved all the while interwoven with each other.    I will be the first to admit that our day to day appears to some: mundane. However, inside the ordinary he and I together have understood the profundity of love. It is brash and loud, but it is also cautious and quiet.  "Love is a many splendored thing."  It is the true basis of community, and I am proud of the community we have built.   The  willow  is the t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Being his girlfriend

"Are you happy being my girlfriend?" He asks. In all seriousness. In all honesty. He asks. Never once have I been asked such a damned difficult question. Never once have I been asked that slight simple question. Never once have I been asked THAT question.   Immediately, my head goes a thousand different directions. I want to give him the most honest answer. But lately I feel as though I am trying to quantity my happiness. Yes. I. Am. Happy. But what is happiness? Am I? Can I honestly say that I am happy? I don't know.   Before I make an ass out of myself, I must say this: not one time in the history of Aly and men has she ever felt like her significant other was shelter. You know that line from Finding Nemo where Dory says to Marlin, "When I look at you, I remember. When I look at you, I am home." That's the way I feel when I am in his arms. Home. Perhaps it best not to tell him such a bold thought, but it's true.   Back to this question. Am I happy b...
3 comments
Read more

Seconds

  I always tried, growing up, to see if I felt different in certain moments of time. Such as when the clock strikes midnight on my birthday or when it strikes midnight bringing in a new year. Does that one second really feel different? No. Not usually. And that one second isn't truly that significant. But seconds can be significant. In fact, in one second our lives can be completely different.   For the last few months, 6 perhaps, there has been more overwhelming hatred for 2016. It has proven to be a very hard year. I have seen the death of my grandmother, the death of others dear to my friends, rape and murder scattered throughout this world like salt on a wound, natural disasters leaving thousands dead, and the tipping point of a nation that can't seem to get it right.   And as I wax nostalgic, I cringe at the bad, shake my head at the dumbfounded, but then remind myself to embrace and celebrate the good. Because in the midst of all the not good...there is good. The...
Post a Comment
Read more