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Delight and desires

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalms 37:4

   I guess I thought it has always been easier to just take life with minimal desires, leaving me with a constant state of "eh." For example, marriage... yes or no? "Eh" kids... yes or no? "Eh" set goals or plans in life... yes or no? "Eh"
    This scripture came to me after sitting in adoration this afternoon. I was sorta pleading to God to give me what I want, as sadly most everyone does. But, He said he couldn't. He said he couldn't because I didn't know what I wanted. Damn. I guess God has a point doesn't he?
     So, I remembered the scripture from memorization long time back. I read it...it makes me feel so inadequate. Delight. Delight means to be happy, right? No. Not exactly. Delight is to have great satisfaction. Delight is to be VERY happy. And David says the Lord should be our delight. Yeah...I am pretty sure I have failed on that front. No wonder I live an "eh" life.
     For so long I have lived passively. There is no foundation in passivity. There is only greyness. Sure, one can be happy. I am happy. But delightful? Yeah, probably not. I think I am getting to the point where I am ready to have definitive answers concerning myself and my life. I have wants. I even have things I really like...but desires? That's almost too strong of a word to be connected to. That word requires a response out of me. It also requires responsibility.
    I have a feeling I need to figure out the desires of my heart, but maybe I will rewrite scripture so that it says, "Delight yourselves in the Lord, and he will show you the desires of your heart before he grants them to you."

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